It's Halloween! Boo!
I'm going to a Halloween party at 8. No trick or treating for me, oh well. It's cool though, because there's most likely going to be candy, cookies, drinks, and movies at Cheeto's house. And it'll be way warmer.

I haven't progressed much on the boarding school front, at all. Oh well! I'm feeling happy today. Ben's been a douche bag recently, I told him so, and today he was simply... Perfect. I let the little stuff go (like bolting out of class before I could say Hi... bleh) and he was so cute. He comes up behind me in between classes when we're stopped at our lockers and puts his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. So cute, very warm, very secure-feeling.

He can still give me butterflies in my stomach, and that's good enough for me. :)

School's been pretty fucking fantastic and pretty horrible. I'll explain both.

( The Good )



Yeahhh.



( The Bad )

Volleyball, FTW.

It's our first official game today, against NF. Emily NF won't be there because she's playing soccer... Which I did not know... Which definitely makes me sad, because she's awesome and I've only met her ONCE in real life (that I can remember- I'm pretty sure I met her at track IACs at D).

So. As I was saying. First game! I'm excited and nervous, and I'm all dressed up in a polo, sexy bra, and denim miniskirt because we have to dress nice for game days. JV plays first, then we have to change into nice clothes and sit there all gussied up to watch the Varsity play. It'll be exciting, and I have the sexiest makeup ever. And it'll also be only my second time displaying new fashion sense- prepster. Awesome. I have a headache.

I need H2O.

I have my spandex, uniform, tank top, sports bra, socks, shoes, knee pads, water bottle, hair ties... Ummm inhaler? Deodorant. I don't know, I'm bored. Haha.

Yay! Interviews are SO scheduled. (Mostly).

Kickass.

November 15th, Choate! A "Saturday Showcase" (whatever that is) at 9 a.m. and interview at 11 a.m. Also, the New England Volleyball Championships are being held, there, that Saturday! OH EM GEE I might get to see my future team playyy!!! Sorry to sound retarded, but that's flippin' awesome!

December 5th, Exeter! 9 a.m. tour and 10 a.m. interview. Once again, kickass. Too late in the season to watch volleyball, but the coach wants to meet me- awesomeness! I definitely want to see swimming or diving, and hopefully ice hockey (and Emma??) because those are my "potential" winter sports if I do leave for boarding school.

December 6th, Andover! 10:15 a.m. tour and interview. Not so kickass, because they have shitty information in their viewbook and their website is very bare-bones. I can't get any useless yet interesting information out either! Yawn. I don't why but I'm not so excited about Andover- I think it's like my last choice out of the schools, even though it beats Choate and NMH by miles in academics/endowment/whatever.

NMH hasn't been scheduled yet, though, because they don't offer Saturday interviews (PISS!) so Mom and I are waiting to see what weekdays would be easiest to schedule and so mom doesn't miss something sooo important, and I don't miss something existential to my life. I don't know! Haha.

I've also been working on an essay, and it is pretty dang kickass, if I do say so myself. And I don't HAVE to say it myself, seeing as a friend of mine called it "bonerific". My God, I love you Em! You're hysterical.

On other notes, school starts Wednesday for me. Oh, God, I'm screwed. I've got the cutest effing outfit ever and now I'm worried I'll be sweating my tits off. It's supposed to hit 85 by 3 p.m., and school ends at 2:30, so I'll be dealing with high 70s-low 80s temps alllll day. Straight-cut jeans (size 0!! SQUEE~!) and a t-shirt that looks like I'm wearing a dress shirt underneath it but I'm SO NOT (it's very cute) because it's a one-piece shirt.


I organised my desk today, and planned this week's outfits so I'm not tweaking out on Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday. I also have my bag packed for tomorrow for the volleyball game against NF (OH EM GEE I might get to see Emily NF!! I must txt her...) and a bag half-way packed for the first day and for practice on Wednesday. I don't want to bring my big backpack or huuuge UA athletic bag or my volleyball team-issued bag (even bigger than the UA one) because I need to fit it into my small-freshman-locker because they don't issue lockers until... Forever.

I've decided to discontinue the use of the Timeline... It bothered me.
 

( Checklist )
 

 

I'm applying to boarding school!

I love th atmosphere, the all-inclusive package that it offers. the fact that your teachers, your coaches, your best friends, and your classes are all five feet from each other. Not literally, true, but it's all on campus. Life is on campus. I'm applying to Phillips Exeter Academy, Phillips Academy Andover, Northfield Mount Hermon, and Choate, at the very, very least.

Pros of Boarding School:

• Independence. I would learn time management in high school, instead of being thrown into the college world with no idea how to succeed in a high risk, independent atmosphere. without my mom standing over my shoulder, waking me up, making sure I eat, making sure I get good grades or study, I'd have to learn how to take care of myself and be dependent on my own skills.
• Academic Rigor. All these boarding schools I'm applying to (Exeter, Andover, Choate, and Northfield Mount Hermon) are extremely rigorous and tough with their academics. They all over 200+ courses, with many AP classes and dedicated faculty. A student who makes straight A's at their public school may only make Bs or Cs with the same amount of work and study they used in public school, so they learn to work hard for everything because no good grades will be handed to them. Right now, I am resting on my natural intelligence at public school. 9th grade won't pose a challenge in the least.
• Intense Athletics. 60+ teams at these schools, with Varsity, JV, and in some sports, freshman-level teams, and there are many intramural (club) opportunities. Sports that aren't even offered in MY public school, such as water polo, lacrosse, field hockey, indoor track, and tennis (and more), are guaranteed at at least club level, if not varsity. And all the schools compete against eachother, other boarding or private schools, so recruited athletes are the norm, so the level at which they play is very, very high.
• Social Growth. These kids live together. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 32 weeks out of the year. You learn to deal with people, and become more tolerant of other people and their downfalls and faults. That annoying kid in your 5th period class can also live across the hall. And then you can't ignore, because they are there. All. The. Time. Social growth, character and moral developement, is a major concern and factor in boarding school.
• Escape. My public school is pretty bad. For a small school, it's great. Clean and new(ish) facilities, and we have very dedicated faculty. But you can't ignore the fact that there are 60 kids in a class, with probably less than 5% of them "of color", and all your friends are exactly the same. It's the trap of a small, public school. Also, there are not as many opportunities. Maybe I'm an undiscovered tennis star. But we don't even offer tennis in gym, and we certainly don't have a club team nearby. The classes are 25 or more students and one teacher, making it a "I'll lecture and you write down what's on the board" experience. And the people are prejudiced, angry, and cliquey. No one likes that, myself the least.

Cons of Boarding School:

• Leaving Family. I'd miss my mom and dad and brother. My mom's worried about not being able to give guidance, and not being a part of my everyday life. I'd only get to see my family 5 weeks or so out of the 32 week school year, and I'd become a different person than if I stayed with my mom.
• Money. I'm applying for financial aid, and if I get accepted at Exeter, I'm guaranteed a free education. Tuition, room and board, fees of all kind. But my school supplies and a computer, while Exeter can cover these, will still add up. Private school is expensive, from fees to spending money to extra food on the weekends to travel, which is below.
• Travel. I live 600+ miles from most of these schools. Travel, what with gas and plane tickets rising and rising in cost, would be so expensive. I have to interview at each school, and that alone will be over 2400+ miles. Exeter can help cover travel costs if theya re really that significant, and that impossible for a family to cover, but before I get accepted (IF I get accepted) it's all on me.
• Snobbish Stereotypes. Everyone thinks boarding school students are rich, snobby, and mean. Yes, the rpestigious schools obviously attract richer families, but they are really striving for soocioeconomic diversity. Exeter and Andover have pledged a need-blind admission policy, which means that they will accept students based on the STUDENT, not on if they can pay or not.
• Stress. It is very academically focused, and rigorous, and pulling all-nighters are not uncommon, in fact, they can become of the norm. But of course, good time management is a skill and can be learned. Without this management, though, stress can abound. Not to mention, if I did everything I'm doing now at boarding school, I would probably break down into tears in a week. It's all about downsizing and priorities.

So, here's an applications timeline and a checklist.

( Timeline )

We're moving!
Yay!
Going to Wayne's, going to Wayne's, going to Wayne's. I'm so happy!
Quick list of pros and cons before I delve into the smaller details.

Pros:
         -New room
         -Awesome older dude- Andy!
         -TV w/ satellite in my room
         -New bed
         -FINALLY can stop wondering if we're gonna move.
         -Totally mellow Wayne.
         -Pool!

Cons:
          -Less space (my room is midgety.)
          -5 people: 1 bathroom.
          -Longer commute for me to Iron Kettle, uphill on way home.
          -Ride the bus to school.
          -Anal-retentive cleaning Nazi Wayne.

Time line:
June 21-22: Yard sale. Gonna sell all my junk, along with mom's and Jake's. What we don't sell is gonna go to the mission or family or whatever. If we haven't found a new bed for me by then, I'll have to settle for a futon.
June 27-29: Moving days! I'll move with mom on Friday night, and either spend that night with dad or just stay and keep helping until all of saturday, then spend a couple days with dad. No school, anyway, so woo!

I feel happy. I feel interested in the world, and pleasant toward (most) people.
I feel content.
I haven't felt this way in a long, long time. Even when I first started dating Randy, my own paranoia and worry that I'd "mess it up" kept me from reaching this, well, enlightened state. But now, I feel secure in myself and my relationships. My friends are being friendly, for once, and my own worries are not standing in the way of my happiness.
I just wanted to share, since my last post was rather depressing, and probably quite disturbing if anyone cared to delve into what it displayed of my inner psyche.
I feel like everything I want is pretty much within my grasp, which is new. Happiness abounds!

I am almost certainly bipolar. I think I should ask my mom for a therapist and some medication, because these emotional ups and downs are taking its toll on me. The highs are almost worse than the lows, with the insane energy thats gone all too quickly and the nonchalant uncaring for my own well being or others. Scary, isn't it?