School's been pretty fucking fantastic and pretty horrible. I'll explain both.

( The Good )



Yeahhh.



( The Bad )

John Hancock Day was amazing last year.

We got to go where ever we wanted all day and ate lunch outside, which tasted gross but was fun. Plus we got to hang with whoever we wanted, NOT just in our grade.

Miss Marion (Miss Tits) hired a clown. She also refused to let a band play, and she's separating the grades. Instead of going where ever, we have to go by period (following the bell schedule) and go from place to place as THEY see fit. What the fuck?

I can't even hang out with Randy at all. Except at lunch, which is gay anyway because its too short. A couple of my friends and I are thinking of skipping. If I ask my mom she'll probably be cool with it, especially if I say I'm just going to study for finals all day. I will study... A little... Haha.

But last year I spent all day in Ms. Pischottia's room playing DDR and Donkey Konga. It was so fun! And Dan Truesdale and I hung out a lot, for some odd reason, and so did Shannon and Holly and I. Shannon and Holly hate me now. Ooh, post material! The WHOLE story on Randy and I... This'll be good. Very, very good.

Thanks, mom. I was in an awesome mood, because she agreed to buy the bed I wanted. Woo! That's awesome, I loved having.. a bed... Well, I thought it was awesome. It's only $400... Haha...

Then she decided to get pissy when I asked if we were gonna have high-speed internet and satellite in my room. She's like, "Uh, well, I don't think so," except a lot pissier. And when I ask why not, she just gets mad.

Apparently, it's hard enough for her and Wayne without ME being all about what I need in MY space.

Fuck it, it's almost not worth moving if I can't have good internet access or TV. 'Cause we all know that my brother is gonna be all hoggy about the TV if he doesn't get it in his room, and like sharing 1 TV in the main room with 5 other people is a good idea.

I still get a TV, though, because here's what we have:
One of Wayne's TVs in the basement
One in Wayne's room
And the big one in the living room
For us, we have Jake's TV
The TV in the living room
Mom's TV
Kitchen TV
And the TV in the office.

From what I heard, I'm getting the one in the office (huge, yay!). Jake is probably gonna keep his TV, and our awesome TV in the living room is gonna be the new TV in Wayne's living room. The basement TV will probably stay there, and so will the one in Wayne's room. We have 3 extra TVs, jeez! So there's really no excuse that I can't have at least a TV and Mom's DVD player. You see, Jake will have his Xbox 360 to play movies, Wayne already has one in his room, and the basement and living room both have ones already. Mom's DVD player has no where to go! Woo!

I need a nap. More ranting, mostly about school and moving, later.

I feel happy. I feel interested in the world, and pleasant toward (most) people.
I feel content.
I haven't felt this way in a long, long time. Even when I first started dating Randy, my own paranoia and worry that I'd "mess it up" kept me from reaching this, well, enlightened state. But now, I feel secure in myself and my relationships. My friends are being friendly, for once, and my own worries are not standing in the way of my happiness.
I just wanted to share, since my last post was rather depressing, and probably quite disturbing if anyone cared to delve into what it displayed of my inner psyche.
I feel like everything I want is pretty much within my grasp, which is new. Happiness abounds!

I am almost certainly bipolar. I think I should ask my mom for a therapist and some medication, because these emotional ups and downs are taking its toll on me. The highs are almost worse than the lows, with the insane energy thats gone all too quickly and the nonchalant uncaring for my own well being or others. Scary, isn't it?

Ugh. I was hit with this massive, depressing self-improvement wave today.
I think what will help is writing down exactly what I want from myself. Exactly, word-for-word, the requirements for my happiness at this moment. This is for my benefit, because, I will either use this later to follow each of my requirements, or laugh at myself for being so critical. Whatever.

I want to be healthy. I want to eat right, which means more meat and fruit, fuck vegetables. I will work out when track comes, but until then (two more weeks) I will wake up every weekday and run, walk, or jog once around the block, come back, and take a shower. I will drink at the very least 1 litre of water a day. I will wash my face before I go to bed, and brush my teeth before bed, before I shower in the morning and before I leave for school. I will use moisturizer on my legs before bed and in the morning after a shower. I will only have ice cream on Fridays at school (its an everyday snack now- ugh.) I will do 15 push ups, 30 second planks, and 45 crunches on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Using 10 lbs weights, 20 reps for each arm on the same days.

I want to be pretty. (Many of these are the same as the health ones.) I will wash my face every morning in the shower with the Apricot Scrub, Clean and Clear Morning Burst Shine Control Facial Cleanser and the Ultra-Calming Aveeno Face Wash, and moisturize with the Olay Complete All Day Moisture. I will wash with all but the Apricot Scrub every night before bed, and remove all eye makeup. I will use a foundation (haven't found it yet) that covers my skin discoloration without completely smothering it. I will use my other make up depending on my mood, but I will not let my own laziness affect how I look. I will cut my hair to have blunt bangs and layers, with light red (strawberry blonde?) highlights. I will get contacts and use them, no matter how selfconcious they make me feel.

I want to be stylish. I will wear a nice shirt every day, and dress up (with either a skirt, a blazer, whatever) once a week. I will buy new clothes once a month at least, more often once I get a job. I will wash my lights and darks separately,  to keep my lights from getting gray. I will hang and fold all my laundry once done, keeping organized. I will wear flats or flip flops of some kind once to twice a week. I will be adventurous with my style occasionally. I will shop at MORE than just Aeropostale, American Eagle clearance, and Zumiez.

I want to be real. I want to make my room my own. The one thing I am proud of that I spent time and effort on in my room is my "bulletin board", which is just cardboard with paper over it that I've doodled on and taped things too and pasted things on. Very cool, but the rest of my room is just... Purple. It's too big. I don't spend any time in there, because of not having a computer in it. I will fix my computer or steal back my computer from my brother's room. I will organize my clothes and things and keep them organized. I will get the bunk bed (with a couch on the bottom, bed on top). I will get my working papers and get a job as soon as possible, preferably at somewhere OTHER than the Iron Kettle, but whatever. Anything to make money.

There's more to this, I'm sure, I'm just exhausted.